Flirtatious Feline

Woohoo....

2009-06-22T13:57:00.000-07:00

I have finally recovered my password. What this means is that I can once again begin posting. I feel so powerful! So intelligent! So...lame. Considering that I forgot it in the first place. *sigh*

What's up pussycat?

2007-10-12T08:42:00.000-07:00

I may not post here often, okay ever...but I do keep up with my blogger friends. Even though I don't comment. Yes, it's true. Things are so incredibly busy with work, home, friends that it doesn't seem I have the time to invest in keeping you all up to date. So I'm going to do a LONG post and touch on the highlights.

JJ and I are doing great. He's awesome, life is good. We just installed a cherry floor in my dining room and this weekend will be tearing the old 'house' from the houseboat so we can start redoing it in earnest.

One of my best friends has breast cancer. Second time that cancer has stricken her immediate family. He daughter was born with retinoblastoma, a rather rare eye cancer. My friend is has HER2+ breast cancer and has really been through the mill with the treatment. I count my blessings every day and marvel, whether she feels so or not, at how strong she is. I'm in the process of putting together a benefit for her and got three emails from LeRoy Butler yesterday. He's donating an autographed football jersey for us. Wooohooo.

My favorite Marine was just home for a visit. Handsome as ever and coming back from doing the Okinawa 500 very soon. He's going to be stateside for a surgery on his feet. He's still wrestling when he has time and he's still a handsome devil.

The icky ex-husband has now claimed another victim. He got remarried AGAIN...and this time, the unlucky wife has two children of her own. He has not spoken to, sent a card or visited or paid child support for his own kids for going on 2 years now. So he's still a loser. I stumbled upon the new wife on myspace when I was searching for my ex-sister-in-law. imagine my surprise at the pictures of her 'husband' my ex, gracing the pages of her online album.

My family is doing really well. My Dad came through his prostate cancer like a real pro, my sister's children are AWESOME, so is my brother's son. If I can't have kids of my own, I may as well have tons of nieces and nephews to visit me in my old age right?

My driveway was a raging success and throughout the rainy season around here, not one drip of water came into my basement!! Such a great deal.

Let's see...what else do I have to blather about? I guess that's about it. If there is anything I missed let me know and I'll post again. In awhile, a few days, over the next few weeks. Damn. I'm such a blogging failure now. I'm ashamed. Hugs and kisses...Purring.

Oh yes...I have a myspace page. If you do too, let me know so I can come visit.

I have no idea who most of these women are!

2007-09-13T11:42:00.000-07:00

I'm trying, I really am.

2007-06-01T07:25:00.000-07:00

So I thought I had this all figured out. Apparently not. I am having such difficulties getting in and out of this account. What the *&%#@ did they do to it while I was gone? Is this some sort of punishment? I'm so computer illiterate. I hate it! And my cool template seems to be malfunctioning. No sexy girl. Where did she go? Did she get bored and hop to another template where there is a bit more activity? Have you seen her?

So here's my life...in short...

JJ is good. I'm good. All my animals are good. Work is good. Life is good. I'm getting new windows in my rental upstairs and all the outside trim painted. This is good. But expensive. My house is very tall. Too tall to risk doing these things on my own. Although I do like to paint doing it waayyyy up high is not fun. Not so much. In fact, I just painted my bathroom because I like to paint. And because there was some mildew in there. And we put new everything in. Flooring, lighting, sink, faucets etc. Nice and new. Clean and lovely. Ceramic tile. No more mildew behind my toilet. This is good too.

My close friend has breast cancer. Not good. Went in for a reduction and had to have a mammo first. Oops. Lump. A sonogram and biopsy later, they tell her she's good to go. She has the reduction surgery and guess what? Yup, they do another biopsy and she does indeed have cancer. So now she has to have a double mastectomy. Hella Chemo. Radiation and then another year of some other type of chemo. Not much fun but she's a fighter. She refuses to wear a wig so she wears funky, cool bandannas stretched over her stubble. I always know how she feels if I see laundry hanging on her clothesline. This means she's having a good day.

My kitten had a black worm hangin' outa her pooper this morning. Or at least I thought it was a worm. I tackled the bitchy little kitten to inspect this worm and discovered that it wasn't a worm, but instead, a pony tail holder she had eaten. Why would you eat a pony tail holder? Do they taste good? Boy was she pissed when I pulled it from her anus. Now she's going to be even bitchier. Nothing worse than a darling kitten that you want to hug and squeeze and kiss who avoids you at all costs. What's up with that? The only time she comes near me is when I'm sitting on the toilet. Then she's all purrs. Cross-eyed tease.

My favorite Marine is currently participating in the Okinawa 500. This is an event very similar to a NASCAR race, only on a ship. In the pacific. And the East China Sea. Round and round they go. At least it's not Iraq. And no one shoots at them. I wonder if they get dizzy? I mean damn...he's been going around and around those islands for months! How does this contribute to the war effort? And why can't he come home?

I know I live in Wisconsin, but I live with a Mississippi boy and he does like his okra and fried green tomatoes. I planted a giant bucket full of okra just to see if it would grow. I have about 50 okra plants now. Okra anyone? I really didn't think they'd grow in a giant bucket but damn if they aren't flourishing. I used to hate okra until JJ's Momma showed me how to fry it up with green tomatoes, cornmeal and the grease from some bacon. Not healthy but it is tasty, I'll give ya that.

Recently a Hmong family of four was lost in the Mississippi river when their boat capsized by a lock and damn. It's been a really sad story to follow. They've recovered the bodies of all but the youngest boy. He's still missing. Whenever we go fishing we look for clues and keep an eye out for his body. We don't eat the fish we catch. Besides the fact that cows pee and poop in the water...I just can't get past the fact that the poor little boy is somewhere, missing, in the river. Besides I don't like fish. Only catfish from Jerry's.

My Dad has prostate cancer. He's doing okay. He's had radiation to shrink it and now they will just watch it. My uncle, his brother, isn't so lucky. He didn't get his check ups like he was supposed to and his prostate cancer has progressed into his bones. Now they just try to keep him pain-free. So guys...get that hiney probed. It's very important. Not a fun process...but necessary.

It seems that I've run out of news for now. I'm going to renew efforts to post at least once each week. Later today I'm going to read what some of you have to say. And eventually, I'll ditch the links in my blogroll that are bad. If you visit me and you have a new url...please send it to me so I don't remove my favorite bloggers from my blog roll and lose touch. Hugs.

It's been a long days night....

2007-05-17T14:35:00.000-07:00

Apparently so long that I forgot my own log-in information. I've spent the last 1/2 hour trying to get this to work. So here I am. I suppose I should post shortly.

What goes around...

2007-02-02T12:29:00.000-08:00

It's been a weird few days and I must say I've not been so aware of Karma in a long time. Remember when I was upset about the will and the fact that my step-dad wasn't honoring my Mom's will? He lied and said there wasn't one. Then when we found that there was a will. His story then became, that he'd told us that there was a will but it didn't make provisions for us. Well there was a will and line three of the nonexistent (HA!) will DID make provisions for her three children. Surprise, surprise. He also remarried 3 days after the 1st anniversary of my Mom's death. Hard to swallow, but no one wants to be alone...so forgivable.

Needless to say there's been some hard feelings about the fact that we retained an attorney to sort the whole mess out. There has also been some hard feelings because the side of the story that was presented to our step-siblings wasn't true. Oh sure, part of the story his told his kids was real. For example we did indeed hire an attorney, and we did want money from him. He painted a picture of three evil children trying to strip him of his last dime. To put this in perspective for those of you who weren't around when the original story was posted. We're talking about $30,000 to split between her three kids. He got both of her life insurance policies, her house valued at over $300,000.00, and her retirement, which I might add was rolled into his account on the 19th of January. Felt like one final slap in the face. Let me tell ya.

Well, he died. Tuesday some time. Heart attack. He was alone. Now his kids are dealing with a step-mother they don't even know. Who now has control over their father's estate. Made up of a LOT of my Mom's belongings and money...not to mention her house.

I guess my point is this...You really shouldn't judge someone's actions until you've walked a mile in their shoes. Unfortunately, they now have to put our shoes on and walk that mile. I don't hate them. In fact, quite the opposite. I truly care for them. But, the honest, human part of me can't help but say..."Karma is a real bitch ain't it??"

Adventures in anal invasion.

2007-01-25T09:19:00.000-08:00

It's a delicate situation. One most men fear and loathe. The invasion of their anal orifice.

JJ has been having some issues with his 'taintal' region. What was initially thought to be a cyst on his precious prostate has been found to be a simple, deep-seated sebaceous cyst. No fun for him, a LOT of pain, but at least it's not his prostate.

I went with on his follow-up appointment because I wanted to hear what the Dr. told him. Early on there was discussion of surgery and if someone's going to be using a scalpel near my man's junk, I want to be well aware of any side effects that may occur. During the appointment I stayed through all the preliminary discussion and vacated the office during the more 'personal' portions of the follow-up exam. I don't need to be party to the internal perusal of his poop shoot. I was going to come back into the room to hear the diagnosis, so I left my purse laying on the floor.

They didn't come get me afterwards, and much to JJ's relief and then chagrin the Dr. said, "Take warm baths, here's some pain killers, come back if it continues to cause you problems and HEY...don't forget to take your purse." Hee hee. My ultra masculine honey had to come into the waiting room carrying my purse.

He was disturbed. Not only did he have a male Dr. getting fresh with is fecal fount and then gently wiping off the lube, he had to carry my purse. Add this to the new PINK dog collar I bought (JJ takes our dog Jacee with in his semi) and he's feeling decidedly UNmanly.

In my book it could've been much worse. Try having your coochie cranked open with a cold, metal duck beak and your cervix scraped with a wooden weapon. That's nice. Or the Dr. might have had giant sausage fingers. Or what if the Dr. jerked, moaned and then apologized for sneezing on his back? Those things would be worse, right?

Feminine Amenities Director

2007-01-16T13:08:00.000-08:00

So I've been gone a long time. Booo Hisss...I know. Bad blogger. Please forgive me. It's been so hectic as of late and I can't seem to catch-up. In fact, I'm so behind, I think I'm first. Work, Thanksgiving, work, housekeeping, wrapping presents, travel, Christmas, work, New Years, work, travel/work, travel. Sheesh. I barely have time to sleep and when I do it seems I have a knee belonging to JJ or an ass belonging to the dog...Right. In. My. Face. Wanna kiss?

Just got back from the SHOT Show. Awesome. Ted Nugent and I really bonded. In fact, I'm sure his body guards were on the lookout for the 'stalker' after I launched myself into his arms for a hug. I'm kidding. He was very nice. Autographed my map for me. I did take a picture too, but it was an afterthought so it's of him signing an autograph for someone else. After that we heckled the professional Stump Standers. More commonly known as the SuperhotguysmodelingMossyOakwear. Damn hot and not just from standing under the hot lights. I loves me some five o'clock shadow.

But that's not all we did. For FOUR DAYS we trudged and plodded through 17 MILES of manly hunting/shooting/outdoor exhibitors making our sales pitch. It was truly fun. Especially when we went to Howl at the Moon. Not an exhibit but an awesome dueling piano bar.

I was whiny because my co-worker dared to wake me after some potential clients called us to go out. Needless to say I was quite irritable about bandaging my blisters, slathering on some deodorant and dragging a brush through my nappy hair just so they'd be entertained. Bah!

Turned out to a be a really great night. The bar was packed, guy to girl ratio 50:1. We barely spent a dime because someone was always shoving a drink in our hand. I met a guy that played with young, good-looking Elvis, Jerry Lee Lewis and Nitty Gritty Dirt Band. We sang two rousing choruses of "Fishin' in the Dark", much to the dismay of all the poor patrons around us. His name was Dirt. I kid thee not! I loved him!! All his cronies from Cabellas, and his wife and daughters vouched for him. Then I rubbed elbows with a Seattle Seahawk. VERY nice. Handsome. Married with kids. Josh, or Jake, or Jacobsen/Johnson...I have no idea. He's out with a ham string injury. Or was out...years ago? But he had a Super Bowl ring on and it's the size of a freakin' ping pong ball. I spent some time massaging it. The ring, not the Seahawk. Pretty magnificent. There was also a big obnoxious guy who used to play for the Miami Dolphins. He was yuck. Didn't like him at all.

My favorite person of the evening BY FAR? DeeDee. Normally I'm rather irritated that I have to fork out a tip to some sullen bitch in the bathroom just to pee. WHICH I might point out...is frequently when I drink. To me this simply isn't fair. I paid to pour it down my gullet, why should I have to pay to use the facilities? I can't help it if my pee-flap becomes inebriated and I have go every five minutes can I? It's double dippin' as far as I'm concerned. I pay to drink, I pay to give it back. I may as well sit on the john all night and pour drinks between my legs. It'd save me some time. Not to mention the chafing of the cooch after wiping 70 times with that wonderfully thin public T.P.

Anyhoo...DeeDee rocked! She not only greeted you cheerfully when you came in; she would hold your beer in a safe place, sing and dance to the music in the bar, tell jokes to the girls waiting in line, help the waitresses sell their little jello shots when they came in to pee. She squirted the soap for you, offered life stories and had a towel ready for you when you needed to dry and then she'd hand you your beer! ALL WITH A BEAMING SMILE! DeeDee is my nominee for Feminine Amenities Director of the Year. I promised I'd write about her. Hugs to you DeeDee.

HI

2007-01-15T08:33:00.000-08:00

I'm going to post soon. I promise. Work has been nuts and I've been on the road a lot~

And to all a good night..........

2006-12-22T09:17:00.000-08:00

Happy any holiday you celebrate! I wish each and everyone one of you a joyous season, good health and good wishes. I love all of my blogger friends and wish we could have one GIANT slammin' party. I would love to meet you all. I'm a hugger and this cyber relationship puts a cramp in my style! Hugs and happy kisses.

And just for the record...I can live with my hair. It's not so bad. But enough about me...Let's talk about you. What do you think of me?

Just curious.

2006-12-19T07:50:00.000-08:00

Your results:
You are Superman

Superman		70%
Robin		70%
Spider-Man		60%
Supergirl		60%
Wonder Woman		60%
Green Lantern		60%
The Flash		50%
Catwoman		45%
Iron Man		40%
Hulk		30%
Batman		10%

You are mild-mannered, good,
strong and you love to help others.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero am I?" quiz...

Damn my impulsive nature.

2006-12-15T13:29:00.000-08:00

I have no idea why I do this. I subject myself to mutilation and then I'm upset. I'm horribly disfigured now and it's my own damn fault.

All I did was to ask for a haircut. A new style. Sure I had no idea who the hacker was, or how long she'd been practicing or IF she even had a legal license but it it too much to ask to have my hair look like the picture ONE DAMN TIME??? What is so hard about copying a damn haircut?

I'm going to sulk. And then I'm looking for a hired hand to make this right.

Quick like a rabbit....

2006-12-04T14:28:00.000-08:00

I sooo don't have time to do this but I promised myself that I'd post today. I must send out a HUMONGOUS thank you to Andy Martello for sending me a wonderful useless package of crap!! I love contests but apparently no one was playing except me...he took pity on me and and gave me a prize anyway. THANK YOU ANDY!! PRIZE WAS DANDY! Go visit him too...he's tons of fun! And he likes mustard. Any guy who likes mustard can't be bad, right? AND thanks to him, I've now got the biggest set of balls EVER! Anyone got a spare penis?

Second bit of business...Karamia from Life or Something Just Like It tagged me...and I WILL get her back! So here goes nothing...

SIX WEIRD THINGS ABOUT ME:

#1 I have to wash my hands if I get food on them. I carry wipes and/or hand sanitizer. I'd rather have dog shit on my hands than mayo. Ew.

This is hard.

#2 I spray air freshener in my house and 'plug-in' so many air fresheners that I gave my dog hives. I have pets...I don't want a stinky house. I also mop my floor with bleach or ammonia.

#3 At work, I positively DO NOT procrastinate but at home...Well, I'll tell ya later.

#4 I am fascinated with David Duchovny. I have no idea why. I just am.

#5 I will eat pickled eggs, pickled porks feet, pork rinds, pickled fish but DO NOT ask me to eat a runny egg. Nasssssty!

#6 I kiss my animals more than I kiss JJ , and I talk baby-talk to them. I know they understand.

Well now you know. I'm weird. I'll admit it. Just don't tell a soul. It's not like I said I like the smell of my own dirty ass or sweaty feet. Which I don't. Really.

I have a dirty confession to make.

2006-11-22T13:19:00.000-08:00

I secretly love road construction that forces me to drive on the rumble strip.

It tickles my potty.

Sometimes, just for fun. I drive on the rumble strip when there isn't any road construction. It makes long trips much more enjoyable.

Now that I've shared, I need some dirt on you. What is your dirty little secret?

Please pass the Depends.

2006-11-15T11:53:00.000-08:00

The cold is gone but the cough still lingers. In fact, every day about 4pm I start hacking, and usually wind down about 7pm...at which point I take a couple of Excedrin for the horrific headache I've created. It's quite surprising that I've not ruptured blood vessels in my eyes. I've tried Vicks Vaporub, Robitussin, Alka Seltzer and a few other 'cold' remedies but so far none has conquered the cough and I have to say, it's just not that much fun.

I stopped by the pharmacy counter today, to ask what I might take to assist in the 'choking-up' of the shit that is rattling around my chest. He recommended Mucinex. He said it would make my cough more productive.

I have to say, I'm thinking that a cough that can make me squirt pee into my pants is already pretty productive. If it gets any more productive I'm fearful I'll shit myself.

In the words of a somewhat drunken Marine. "Sometimes I pee when I poop."

2006-11-10T11:32:00.000-08:00

Back from San Diego where the weather was fabulous and the entertainment fabulouser. Hangin' with a few 20-something Marines is definitely cause for a couple 'o chuckles. Unfortunately I came back with a cold. So sometimes I pee when I sneeze! That one's for you Mr. Fuzzyheiney.

Mybestestfriendever's son and Mr. Fuzzyheiney were our hosts! Surprisingly, the digs were quite lovely and amazingly clean for two busy bachelors. Of course, they've only lived there for a couple of weeks. Which would be far too long for me considering the mile and a half jog, halfway down a damn mountain, one of them makes each day to get to the 'other' place they have to park. You'd think with what you pay in rent you could get two parking spots! It only seems fair. If I was God, we'd all have Rock Star Parking! But I'm nice that way.

We visited the GasLamp Quarter where Mr. Fuzzyheiney, having forgotten his I.D. card, was able to convince the waitress at Dick's Last Resort that he was legally able to drink. He accomplished this with nothing but considerable charm, his credit card and a receipt from a previous alcohol purchase. Following dinner, upon returning to the parking ramp, we discovered that some ignoramous valet had parked a big SUV directly behind Mybestfriendever's son's GIANT Dodge Ram. By placing himself in harms way to give direction, Mr. Fuzzyheiney was a brave Marine, but 10 minutes and many skillful maneuvers later Mybestfriendever's son was still unable to get us out of our tight parking spot. Trust me, a tighter spot you've never seen. Luckily, we were able to flag down another valet, who found the keys and moved the offending SUV from our path. Lucky for the SUV. My favorite Marine has a fuse as short as his Momma's and tempers were running short.

Took in a Total Combat cage fight, which was quite bloody, and I did take my first swig of Yukon straight from a bottle in a brown paper sack. Admittedly, a couple of firsts for me. We planned to watch Mybestfriendever's son fight, but due some unforeseen circumstances he was unable to do so. You can see him on this site, but I won't identify him because you might try to stalk him. I don't know why I'm worried about it though, if you did stalk him he'd just kick the ever livin' shit outa ya anyhoo...he's that tough. Really. His arm muscles bulge and everything. He used to aspire to be a Ghost Buster, now he's a badass, cage-fighting Marine who may need plastic surgery depending on how important ears are. Funny how things change isn't it?

Okay then, trip update completed. I'm off to visit y'all and make some comments so you know I still love you. By the way, names have been changed to protect the innocent. Or not so innocent, whichever the case may be.

I'm leavin' on a jet plane.......

2006-11-02T08:42:00.000-08:00

What a job packing is. Wow. I have at least 12 shirts, 4 or 5 pairs of pants, some capris. a couple of jackets and a whole bunch of clean undies. Sensibles, thongs...you name it. Of course, not one thing that I've packed will match another once I get to San Diego, and I will be forced to purchase clothes. So sad for me. I'll have to shop. I'm tearing up now just thinking about it. Not. I have about 40 pairs of shoes packed because you never know what mood your feet will be in. Best to be prepared. So I guess what I'm saying is that I'm ready to go.

Since I'm a horrid procrastinator and I didn't get around to making a will, you people will serve as my witnesses to my very condensed last will and testament. Just in case. I'm just sayin'.

To JJ I leave dirty dishes, dirty clothes, messy house, semi clean litter boxes and the affection of all my animals. I also leave him my house so make sure he gets it. And don't let him argue about it. It's his. He deserves it. He can keep it or he could sell it to make money to help people...he likes to do that.

To my sister I leave all my jewelry. She knows who to give it to and she will distribute it. Tell her I'm sorry that I locked her in the bedroom to mate socks and that I love her.

To my brother and sister I leave all the hugs I should have given them and my retirement money to split three ways between them and Jason. And I love my brother too!!!

To my Dad...I leave you with the utmost admiration and affection. I always considered myself somewhat of a Daddy's girl and since he just got rid of a bunch of junk...he doesn't need any of my crap. Love you.

To Sharon, I leave my thanks, for stepping up and being a great substitute mom. She can never replace my Mom but I love her and she's awesome.

To everyone else, including you, I leave the responsibility of making sure that my family gets a copy of my blog. Especially this post since it's my sorta will.

I'm of course, slighty crazy, but in a good way and I'm of sound mind and somewhat chubby body so there should be no reason to dispute this! My word is law.

Home next Wednesday. Have a great rest of the week and weekend.

Blah.

2006-10-27T13:09:00.000-07:00

I've been gone a long time. I've not even checked out other peoples posts and for that I apologize, because I do enjoy reading them. This is probably the longest stretch I've ever gone between posts and I'm not entirely certain why. Maybe the gloomy weather, maybe work. I've not been feeling especially funny, creative, entertaining or eloquent. But today I will try. And for sure I plan to read what all of you have to say.

*staring at screen*

*more staring at screen*

*hating on the little flashing cursor*

JJ caught an injured fox but it died. He stunk up the garage. Not JJ, the fox.

Dog is still trying to eat kitten.

Going to San Diego next week.

See what I mean? This is what they must mean when they say 'writer's block'. Not that I'm any type of serious writer. I just do it to entertain myself...and with any luck, some of you.

Got a hold of my ex husbands new resume with an address and phone number. And no confessions as to how I accomplished that so don't ask. It's good I guess, I can finally file a small claims case against him for the money he owes me. Not that he's going to pay. But it will be nice to know it's hanging over his head.

I got some new boots, a couple new shirts and a great pair of jeans. Two necklaces and two pair of dangly earrings.

I'm going to carve pumpkins this weekend and roast the seeds. I love roasted pumpkin seeds. The ones I make NOT the ones in the stores. Those are just damn nasty.

I found a 4 and a 5 leaf clover. No great surges in my luck though.

I think I'll go clean my desk. This sucks.

Pussy, choking and chain link fences.

2006-10-18T12:29:00.000-07:00

rSounds rather kinky huh? Sorry to disappoint.

I love my animals. Two cats, a kitten and a big scaredydog. However, these days most of my evening is spent trying to make the dog lay down, stop pacing, quit whining and stop shoving the bed in the guest room around to have better access at what I'm sure she imagines is her own 'indoor' squirrel. If I'm looking for the dog you can bet I will find her, ass-end stuck waaaay up in the air, in an effort to squish her front-end under the bed. She's hot on the trail of the new kitten.

Right after getting home last night the phone rings. It's the neighbor informing me that their 4year-old spotted my dog running loose while I was at work and they finally succeeded in chasing her inside their fenced in yard; where they mistakenly assumed she would stay. Later, when they went out to take their garbage to the curb the dog was missing, but they did have a gaping, new hole in the fence. The monsterdog actually busted right through the stockade fence! Upon further investigation they found her back inside her kennel. The very kennel she escaped.

After being notified that Houdinidog had gone A.W.O.L. during the day, I went to inspect the gate. Finding no obvious defect, my assumption was that she simply flipped the latch with her smartnose. I decided that I would security-tie the fence shut, in addition to latching it, and the problem would be solved. Dusting of the hands. Story over.

Time to relax? Not so much. I chased the impish kitten from my Tina Turner plant about 4,236 times. Until JJ got smart and sprinkled the entire area with cayenne pepper. Very smart, because I really like that plant. That kept her out, but it didn't keep her from choking herself in the pulls for the blinds, followed up with a little nap in the litter box and a shit in the bathtub. *sigh*

This morning, I take the rowdydogbeast out to the kennel, I put her inside and as I'm putting the security-tie on the gate I happen to glance at her. She's soooo cuuuute! Awww. Her little head is sticking right out of the fence and she's trying to lick me. Awwww. WTF?! Sticking. Outside. Fence. Oh yes, she ripped a hole at the very top of the kennel door, large enough to pull herself through. Sooo, right back in the house we go, lock dog in bathroom, jump in the car, race down the block, gonna be late for work! Damn. Now she's blockaded inside with her nemesis the kitten running free, and the adult kitties who instigate. And yes, she's in my bathroom where vinyl flooring, cabinet doors, toilets, sinks, bathtub and oh so much more can be easily destroyed by Conanthebarbariandog. Turn car around, barrel down the street, screech to a stop in the drive, go out in the rain to retrieve the large animal hutch, hunt for door, install hutch door properly, shove in garage, run into house, grab collar, drag to kennel, shove stubbornassdog into hutch, shut hutch door, slam garage door, sprint to car and race back down the street.

I was only 10 minutes late for work.

efwwiqmzmllt

2006-10-13T14:33:00.000-07:00

Admit it. When word verification gives you an impossibly long, fucked-up bunch of letters you will publish your comment without typing them just to see what comes up the next time.

Snowflakes and thigh highs.

2006-10-12T14:03:00.000-07:00

Today, here in wonderful Friskyville, we have snow flurries. Usually I go bare-legged but when it starts to get cold I resign myself to the fact that I must wear something to cover my bare, white legs. Time for thigh-highs, panty hose or tights.

For some reason whenever I wear thigh-highs I pull out every pair of CFM shoes I own. Today it is a pair of black stilettos with an ankle wrap that zips...on the zipper is a shiny little pendant that swings when I walk. Much like my ass. Hee hee.

Thigh-highs require sexy shoes much the same way that cable-knit, cashmere sweaters and long wool skirts worn with tights beg for kick-ass boots, and flannel or thermal shirts and jeans... for hiking boots. It's simple shoe etiquette. You must make your shoes happy by accessorizing properly. And they, in turn, make your feet happy! I like it when my feet are happy. Actually I like all my body parts to be happy, but today we are discussing my feet.

Aren't you glad you stopped by? MWAH!

I prefer foil but plastic will do.

2006-10-10T14:25:00.000-07:00

For any of you who've ever had your hair highlighted, the preferred method is the little foil sheets. For those of you who haven't, when and if you decide to highlight your hair, demand that it's foiled and not pulled through the little plastic cap.

I take a lot of shortcuts with my hair. I have a cosmetology and barbering license so I'm privy to what these hair products actually cost, and have HUGE issues with paying full price. Even for a haircut. Admittedly I should just fork out the cash for hair services and be done with it. It's just the principal of the matter. I can do it myself, therefore, I can show someone else how to do it, right? Nooooo problemo! Except the foil does take some practice, so the plastic cap will have to do.

Last night I enlisted the assistance of a somewhat unwilling and semi-cranky JJ to pull my hair through the cap. I assured him it was a simple process. Only takes 10 minutes. Lightly press the hook through the hole, catch the hair and quickly but gently ease the small portion of hair up through the cap. Brush it aside and proceed to the next hole.

JJ's version. Vigorously JAB the hook through the cap because you have to go through TWO ENTIRE LAYERS of plastic. SCRAPE the scalp and TWIST the hook as you enthusiastically endeavor to hook a chunk of hair. Now slloooowwwwly pull the hair through the hole and then give it a good YANK to make sure it's all the way out! When you are done with one section, SLAM my head the other way and make sure to FIRMLY stretch the hair coming through the holes in the opposite direction, keep it plenty taut, so you can see what you are doing.

I feel as if my head has been aerated. Did I complain? Not once.

P.S. Thank God for stretch denim. Amen.

What fantastic news!!!! I'm so lucky.

2006-10-05T07:19:00.000-07:00

I know you will all be very happy for me when you read this email I got! I'm so fortunate. I've already forwarded my attorney's information. I wonder when I will get the check???

Church of Christ the King
11 Castle Street,
Thornbury,
South Gloucestershire,
BS35 1HA,

Dear Beloved

Greetings from Gloucestershire, England!

On behalf of the Trustees and Executors of the late British Prime, Sir
Edward Richard George Heath, KG I once again try to notify you as our letter
to you by the lawyer through the post were returned undelivered, hence I
hereby attempt to reach you via your e-mail address.

I wish to notify you that the late Sir Edward Heath made you a beneficiary
to his (will), he bequeathed the sum of Seven Hundred and Fifty Thousand
United States Dollars Only (US$750,000.00), to you in the codicil and last
testament to his (will). This may sound very strange and unbelievable to
you, but it is real and true. Being a widely popular travelled man, he must
have been in contact with you in the past or simply you were nominated to
him by one of his numerous friends here or abroad who wished you well. Sir
Edward died in Salisbury, England, July 17, 2005 at the age of (89) years.
He served in the Royal Artillery during World War II, rising to the rank of
Colonel. He was elected to Parliament as a Conservative in 1950, and held
several posts in the party whip's office (1951-55), before becoming
Government chief whip and parliamentary secretary to the treasury (1955-59),
He was Minister of Labour (1959-60) that led the Tory Government as Prime
Minister between 1970 and 1974.

The late Sir Edward Heath until death was a real gentle man; a very
dedicated Christian who loved to give out, his support to the Church here in
England is very fresh in our memories. Quoting former Labour Chancellor Roy
Jenkins, a friend of Sir Edward, Mr. Tony Blair
added: "He was a great lighthouse which stands there flashing out beams of
light, indifferent to the waves which beat against him.

He was also a member of several non-governmental organisations (NGOs), here
in UK and beyond, his great Philanthropy earned him numerous awards during
his lifetime. According to him this bequest is to support your Christian
activities and to help the poor and the less privileged ones in your local
community and Country.

Please if I reach you as I am hopeful; endeavor to get back to me as soon as
possible to enable the lawyer executing the (will), conclude his job, you
forward your most current telephone and fax numbers including your mailing
address.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Yours sincerely in the Risen Lord,

Father Clement Donald, SDS

*************************
Mass Times
*************************
Sundays
8.30, 11.00, & 18.30
10.00 at Berkeley Castle
Weekdays
10.00
Saturdays
12.00
Holy Days --Term Time
7.45, 9.15 (school), 19.45
Holy Days --School Holidays
7.45, 10.00, 19.45
Sacrament of Reconciliation
Sat 11.30 -12.00
Holy Hour
Wed 19.30-20.30
HMP Eastwood Park
Mass Saturdays 9.45
(Inmates only)

Parish Team
Father Clement Donald SDS
Father Charles Reddan SDS (retired)
Sister Josephine O'Malley SDS

Public Service Announcement

2006-10-02T14:09:00.000-07:00

Are you aware that you are not allowed to pick up people from the drunk tank and sign them out when you are just a tiny, little bit, left-over drunkish? Not even with a completely sober designated driver in attendance. The designated driver must sign the drunk tank inhabitant out. Even if they don't know the person. Then the drunk person, not me-the one in the drunk tank, is the designated driver's sole responsibility for a whole 12 hours.

Yes it's true. And this weekend I learned all of these things. We tried to drink the World's Largest Six Pack on Friday and failed horribly. In fact, there's probably still some left for you. And I will drive you home if you are drunk because the drunk tank is a nasty place. Or so I've heard.

In other news, it's boat moving day tomorrow. AND I got a new phone today, so you can call me now. ALSO, I'm going to be rich with someone I work with. We invented a new product. I'll give you a hint. It's something you can use to shave your buttcrack all in one swipe and it's v-shaped and it has a protective, vibrating ball on the end. It will be wonderful. Well at least it sounded that way on Friday night. Today? Not so much.

Don't call me Dirty, call me Dotty. It smells less.

2006-09-28T13:51:00.000-07:00

Blog Ho gave me a great idea when he talked to me about Jet Li's sex life. I'm going to change my name to Dotty Sanchez. It's kinda the same as Dirty Sanchez but without the poop mustache. Which just smells. Lets face it. I have issues getting food on my fingers, because it leaves a funny smell. Why would I want poop on my lip? But it has a nice ring to it. My new name. Not the sex sanchez. And it's a good alias. Considering my new anonymity efforts and all. Don't you think?

P.S. Plus if I don't groom my lip hair I could get dingleberries on my lip and that would be worse than a zit.

Is it just me or is blogger having publishing issues today?

2006-09-26T12:32:00.000-07:00

Hide and go seek.

2006-09-26T11:17:00.000-07:00

Well, it finally happened. Someone found my blog, and of all people who might have, it was my ex-husband. It seems like and invasion of privacy for him to be able to read about my life. That's why the move, new look, and the anonymity.

Following, is a copy of the emails he sent, complaining about my old blog:

very interesting blog you wrote about me in march

Strangely enough my boss found it. By the way, I get paid in three weeks- I will start sending money then

Im sorry-but do you mind deleting deleting that bleeding blog-now my girlfriend is trippin

To which I say:

You are an interesting person, being a evil sociopath and all. At one time you provided me with many distasteful things to blog about. Hopefully, this will be the last time I blog about you. Ever.

Ahhhh, your boss. I'm sure your BRAND-NEW boss realized the blog was mine and came running to show you. Right. I've not posted about you or your evil ways in MONTHS. I refuse to hold my breath waiting for money from you. Instead, I plan to trace your IP address and take legal action as soon as I find your 'secret' location. Then I will notify your other ex-wives so that you can pay child support for your kids like you are supposed to. So keep emailing me fool. Every time you contact me it's one more possible nail in your financial coffin.

As far as deleting my blog...it was done shortly after you so kindly pointed out that you found it and were reading it. Besides, it's probably you that's trippin' because your girlfriend has found out some of your lies/secrets by reading it. Does she know about all your kids? Or your real name? Additionally, why on earth would you give her the address of the blog knowing that she would read about you?? Your lies and deceit continue no doubt.

This concludes my first blog. To those of you who I was able to get ahold of via email, thank you for your support and kindness. To those of you who I was unable to get in touch with...I apologize, it's not because I don't want you here, you simply don't list your email address on your blog and have yet to visit the old one. I sincerely hope that eventually you do, through my old site, or through the comments I will surely leave when I pay you a visit.

P.S. If for some reason, you are my ex-husbands new boss please do not divulge the information you are privy to on this blog. I guarantee you Mr./Ms. Boss, that most of what comes from his mouth is a lie. In fact, he will lie about what he had for dinner just to see if he can get away with it. Just for shits and giggles. It's the sociopaths way you know. AND if you are his unfortunate NEW girlfriend, well, let's just say GOOD FREAKIN' LUCK! Or maybe...run, cut your losses.

Hi Maddie~

2006-09-22T17:04:00.000-07:00

I have to give a HUGE thank you and a shout out, to Miss Maddie at Girliebits.Designs for providing me with this lovely new skin! If you're in the market she works fast, inexpensively and professionally! Also, to Life in the Espresso Lane for springing to my assistance so quickly. Hugs girls!